Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she looked like the before picture.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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