Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
