Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
