chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
