my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
