I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Randomize
