Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
