Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
