I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
