I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
