I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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