I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
