I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
