well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
