so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
