Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
