I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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