sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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