Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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