these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
