i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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