and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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