You work out of a Hotel?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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