Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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