Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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