in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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