she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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