Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
