he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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