i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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