Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
