i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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