i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
