i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
