We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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