so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
