I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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