is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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