Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
