dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
