She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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