How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
