I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
