its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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