Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
