I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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