I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
