So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
