WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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