See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
