Got a toothbrush?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
