i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
