He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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