never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
