I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
