carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My feet surprised me
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