Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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